The Reality of 20
During this last year of my life, I feel as though I have reciprocated enough growth and development for a lifetime of someone who has lived more than twenty years. I made a promise to myself to indulge and to be saturated by the life experiences I have, out of interest to be present and aware of the world around me. I want to know and learn how I am cultivated to be the person that I continue to be. In my twentieth year, I have learned that what people say is true and that these years are some of the most influential years of my life. I have learned that being in my twenties is when I experience copious amounts of growth and self-establishment, the time when I expand my mind and perspective, and when I become an adult that contributes to the existing world around me. Something clicked for me during my twentieth year, something changed within me and altered the way I view the world, how I am presented to the world, and how I contribute to this world. I may never understand what it was that happened within me but I continue to be grateful for it. While I understand the influential importance of these next years of my life, I also have learned that it is just as easy to lose yourself at twenty years old as it is to find yourself. Some of my most forgiving and kind moments have been for myself and the people around me this year. I realized I must be forgiving and sympathetic to others because I now understand that I will never know what it is like to be them. This twentieth year has taught me that I will only know what it is like to be me, I will only know my own experiences, and I can only change myself and not others. This inward change in perspective has greatly affected my outward look toward others and the way I will lead the life I want to live.
I love being twenty. I love the experiences and emotions of being a young adult. I love the expansion of the self and the opportunities one keeps at this age. I love the people I know and the relationships I have cultivated. I love my independence and love the personal growth I am experiencing. And I love analyzing what it was about the year twenty that was so influential and what made my life so enriching and significant to who I am and my self-development. I have learned so much this year, and I feel as though my purpose, passion, and energy have never functioned at such a high frequency. I feel myself growing, cultivating, and developing the individual I want to be. Learning how I want to influence the people around me and the world I live in.
As much as I struggle to put these concepts into words I wanted to do my best to hold myself accountable by writing a short reflection about the year twenty.
A year ago I was chasing the things I was aware I did not have. I am a subject who has not in history embodied change very well. Whether I was chasing something I had to inevitably let go of or I was chasing something I have never had, I was unhappy and I thought that chasing to fill the void was going to be my solution. But this year was the year I embraced change. I post this ode to myself on my birthday to congratulate myself. I did a good job being the best version of myself that I could be. I made mistakes and I lived genuine apologies. I learned to challenge myself, and I found myself committing to moments I used to avoid. I am falling in love with growing up, and that could have never happened if I did not have things to work on. I congratulate myself because I survived things that no one should ever suffer from. And I congratulate myself because I am still learning.
